It’s taken a little bit of time to find my way around, but now that I understand the desk a little better, I have a new appreciation for the powerful system that is the iLive T112 and iDR MixRack 48. When coupled with a laptop running iLive editor and a wireless router, this combo becomes a versatile and full featured mix system.

It works perfectly from Church on sunday with 10 AUX sends, 4 Matrix sends, 40 inputs and effects all in the one package, with FOH on the desk and Monitors controlled side of stage on a laptop, right down to just the MixRack and a laptop at an event like a 40 person prayer meeting, well still maintaining full dynamics and effects control and operation.

Configuration is simple using the widely available guide, and once your router is setup, DHCP makes sure you are always able to connect. One of the best parts of controlling your iLive system with Editor though is the freedom to walk around and go where the people will be instead of being stuck in a single mix position.

Editor has revolutionised our small events, cutting a great deal of effort out of setup, and meaning we don’t have to find room for the large console, infact, it can stay in the trailer, giving a much cleaner setup and a much less intrusive mix position. Our only  want is for faders and buttons…. I think there is a solution for that…. a console prehaps

So, you may have sensed a lack of excitement from me about Christmas, and I feel an explanation is required…

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I don’t want to be excited, and i certainly don’t want to skip the opportunity to celebrate the birth of our saviour Jesus Christ, I just don’t have anything to be excited by.

All the things you associate with an exciting Christmas just don’t matter to me or don’t have the same happy feeling attached to them…

Family. When you have lost all of your grandparents and you parents have split up, family just seems like the last thing you want to think about… Do I go to mums, do I go to dads, and inevitably will I miss my grandparents, as they were the greatest part of christmas in the past… And then there is the events of christmas days past, where my dad refused to take off his hat at the Christmas dinner table, which resulted in a police call. As you can see already, it’s a pretty grim scene…

Presents. I love giving and if i could afford to, then I would give to everyone possible. Just tonight I went out and helped deliver food parcels  to people in the east. But presents have never been a big part of Christmas and probably never will be, so all this hype around them just drones on and on….

So to be honest, i just want to sit at home on Sunday, and eat a simple meal and reflect on the year it has been. I’m just not in the mood for festivity.

The rest of the year is very different. It took 5 weeks after the quake to get back up and running at MAINZ. During that time I found a new flatmate, Tim, one of my classmates. We finally got back into it in early April at a warehouse in Lincoln Rd, before moving into more permanant space at Zebedees in Blenheim Rd.

This year as part of MAINZ  or otherwise I have been a video sound engineer and recordist at Eastercamp, done lighting for The Feelers, setup for numerous Air New Zealand corporate events, been part of the first event held in an international departure lounge of an airport in NZ, mixed monitors for The Harbour Union including Lindon Puffin, The Unfaithful Ways and The Eastern, mixed FOH for The Eastern and The Ranchsliders. I have also been involved in a large number of other small events in Christchurch, used equipment i could never imagine including the Yamaha LS9 and the Midas Heritage 3000, and been involved in so much more than I could imagine.

A small group of us were also involved in producing the successful OMG Comedy Show in November, which was an exciting and invigorating experience. I have also excelled in the theory side of the course, meaning I will probably graduate next week at the top of my class!!

I have also moved churches from Kaiapoi Baptist to ARISE, where I have become part of the production team, made lots of great connections which I hope will build into friendships and grown in my relationship with God.

I have also been successful in gaining an internship with them next year majoring in Production, which is amazing!!

This year has been full of challenge but also blessings, and I can’t wait for 2012!!!

2011, the year of quakes, brakes and moves to make.

It all started off reasonably well, new year, a great year to look forward to. A week helping at the New Wine conference in christchurch with Mike Pilivachi and Sam Harvey among others. Then after a months worth of looking I moved out of home (FINALLY!!!) into a flat in Edgeware Road with two complete randoms (Jack and Andy). A few days later I started at MAINZ  in the Certificate in Live Sound and Event Production. As much as I was looking forward to it, I was still nervous… I was a pretty shy person, and was scared of all these new people…

That week was pretty cool, we got to experience Maori culture in a very immersive way and then had our ears pumped full of silicone (custom moulded ear protectors!!). We had just go in to our second week, started Health and Safety and Sound Wave Theory and a little bit of basic practical. Then at lunch on Tuesday after strolling through the CBD and Cathedral Square to get lunch (and buy new socks… LOL Sam) we got back to The Media Club (our class space in Armagh St near Madras) about 12.30. I sat down and read for a while then began to do a bit of heavy lifting and moving to start our practical session early…

12.51, 22 Feb, as we lifted a large sub on top of another, the ground began to move. We were used to this,but it soon became clear this was no small aftershock, as we were jolted from side to side, all I really remember is diving for the metal roof support, holding on, and then darkness. Then light, as the walls collapse down and dust spills in. it was terrifying and yet I don’t remember ever being worried… It was a weird feeling. Once we got out of the building and into the carpark, the reality still hadn’t hit, and as I saw a OneNews truck drive past I considered flagging it down, because at that moment, our building was what I thought to be major damage.

Somehow in the minutes after the quake I managed to post this picture out to Twitter.

How wrong was I… As I walked home, the only damage I saw other than Liquefaction, was the Oxford Terrace Baptist Church building, and I knew it was cordoned off and empty, so it was OK. Once i got home I suddenly realised I should text my family. things that slip your mind…

Soon after that Jack and Andy arrived home, and we sat around in the front yard, no real idea what to do, no real concept of what was happening without TV or the Internet. We grabbed the 4 kg’s of meat we had in the fridge and lit the brick BBQ we had built that sunday afternoon from the dismantled chimney after september… we cooked and ate all of it, sharing some with passers by and neighbours. Around 9pm power returned, and with it the cabinet which supplied our internet and the first look at the real state of our city.

We all sat in the lounge, shocked, awed and unsure as to what was going on. Jack went to bed at 12, Andy and I, not wanting to sleep sat up through the night, I’m unsure what we did, but we looked at countless pictures of damage. The next day, the sudden realisation we had no water, and had not drank since a beer the previous evening, lead us to search for water, which we found after a two hour wait in a line at Shirley Intermediate, in a fire hydrant in Emmett St. That City Care Worker was a right character.

We also got corn chips from a random 16 year old we had given beer the day before… She was hitting on Andy…

The next day I went out to Woodend to stay with my mum, so that Jack could host his girlfriends parents at our flat, and Andy went back to Oamaru, permanantly as it turns out. I really don’t remember much more than this of those two days…

The rest of the year will follow in part 2 and possibly 3 in the next few days

So, some of you will know that I have been going to Kaiapoi Baptist for almost 6 years now, and have been going to ARISE Christchurch, on sunday nights, for the past couple of months.

There comes a point where it moves from a casual extra to feeling like you are committing fully to two churches at once, and today I’ve hit that point.

I feel very much at home at ARISE, I’ve grown as a person and in my relationship with Christ since I began going. But I feel at home at Kaiapoi Baptist, and you’d hope so after 6 years.

But I know that Church is much more than just Sunday, it’s about the people and the community. And I’ve lost touch with that at Kaiapoi Baptist, mainly because I don’t live there anymore. It is easy enough to bus out there once a week on a Sunday, but the rest of the week I’m in Christchurch. So it makes sense to go to ARISE right. That’s exactly what I want to do.

But it’s hard, I’ll be leaving Kaiapoi Baptist with a sound team of 2 and a few trainees. I’ll be cutting off the final link with a group of people no matter how little they actually know about it have kept me going through the tough times. And I don’t really want to have them make a big deal about this.

I want to be at ARISE, it feels like home, the people are amazing, the opportunities to encounter God and serve him using my talents are amazing. And I want to commit fully and make it my spiritual home.

But I’m so conflicted. It is hard.

Any stories/encouragement/help would be appreciated….

Arise Internship:
Pros:
In the church, closer to God, more understanding of Him, serving and doing something I love, slowly build up my skill base and social skills, grow in a supportive and encouraging environment, challenging.
Cons:
Stuck in Christchurch (?), very “social”.
Work – sound industry:
Pros:
Using current skills, enjoy it mostly, variety, challenges to be solved, money, opportunities to travel NZ, leads to greater opportunities.
Cons:
Takes up weekends (church interrupted), long hours, alcohol and drugs.

Work – General:
Pros:
Money, independence, hopefully provides challenges, feel like I am achieving things and making a difference, plays to my strengths (numbers, problem solving, organisation), Leaves weekends free for church and other event stuff
Cons:
Stressful work environment, no qualifications, lonely because I am not a “people person”; probably an office job, entry level menial tasks; unmotivated to succeed without challenges.

Study – Uni:
Pro’s:
further education, greater knowledge in an area of my liking, Leaves some parts of weekend open for stuff, church still able to be big part of life.
Cons:
Tough self motivating study environment; not my strong point, 3+ year commitment, cost…

So, I still have no idea what I am going to do, but this might help…. I will keep adding…

What a freaking ambigious word, something I have got myself way too hung up on and is now threatening to destroy the relationship I may or may not have with all the awesome people I, according to the three four definitions of friend, have as friends.

1) a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard. Someone you can share anything with.

2) a person who is on good terms with another; a person who is not hostile.

3) someone you can hang out with and just mess around.

4) a member of one’s list of contacts on a social-networking Web site.

Now that we have cleared those up, most of you will fall into a combination of 2, 3 and 4. When I say I want friends, I usually mean 1… This is where most of the confusion occurs… To me, most of you I could hang out with whenever, and despite the fact I have told you all the crap in my life on the internet, i will NEVER discuss it in real life. This usually means when you meet me in real life you will wonder where the hell all this crap is hiding. This makes me look like a huge fraud, and I am. Just not quite how you expect.

The me you see in real life, is the big fraud. I hate talking about my past, it is just something I don’t ever want to bring up. But I really want to get to a point where I can talk to my friends (1) about it in real life, because to this day I have never talked to any one out loud about anything I have gone through apart from a couple of professionals years ago…. So I over compensate for the lack of wanting to talk about it by being happier than i really am. I am probably a little bit happy, I mean you are hanging out with me, but no where near as happy as I look.

I would really like if more of my friends (4) became my friends (3+2), and then hopefully some of them can progress to being my friends (1). It is just going to take a lot of time for me to be comfortable to have a kind of relationship needed to be friends (1) as hopefully http://tom.geek.nz/2011/08/im-vulnerable-and-alone/ explained…

If you have any questions, ask them, either here or on twitter, I’ll try not to avoid them and actually answer, hopefully this helped you understand my thoughts a little better than 140 characters has been….

Tom :-/

I have been through so much in my life, and despite most of it being really tough, the toughest has been the rejection. It seemed like every time I connected with anyone, or thought I even had the slimmest chance of being friends with anyone, it would fall apart. As soon as one of their other friends would see me with them, it would drop like a hot rock and they would insult or bash me just to keep their reputation. Their coolness was more important than me, so even if they tried to continue, I couldn’t do it, because they have betrayed the trust I had built in them. If this situation didn’t arise then they would usually end up betraying me in another way, even more painful than the first.

Maybe I was just not friend material.

Now i am just not sure if I will ever be able to trust anyone again, well at the same time yearning to have close friends I can trust, rely on, and confide in that are close by and will never leave me.

I like to think that out there somewhere is my identical twin brother, who was separated from me at birth. He had none of the emotional crap, none of the family shit. He excelled at school because he wasn’t constantly afraid, and his adoptive parents could afford a full private school education. This year, he is starting the first year of a 6 year stint in computer and electrical engineering at a top university anywhere in the world, and has a full scholarship to boot. He has had a girlfriend for the last 3 years, and he is going to ask her to marry him one day soon. His parents have set aside 400k for him to buy his first house. He has everything he needs, and a little of what he wants. He is charitable, kind and funny. He has a group of 30 or 40 close friends, and enjoys spending time with them.

But hey. Dreams are free

So, 1 month on since I committed to blogging once a day for a year… A lot has happened since then, especially for me personally, which has lead me to decide that blog once a day for an entire year could in fact be a bad thing. So after a month of daily blogs, I have decided to scale it back to hopefully blogging 1-4 times a week.

It has been really encouraging for me over the past month to get some of the stuff I blogged about out in the open, because it has been hidden for most of my life. So thank you for taking the time to read it, and I hope you continue to do so.